We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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