She is in my trunk
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I touched a dick in church today
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
