I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
