She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There r osticjed everywhere
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
