On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
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Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
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Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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