I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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