Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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