i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i will never coherently bang her
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
