After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
