She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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