My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
