Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
