From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
