His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Success! We fucked roommates!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
