soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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