I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
