I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
