Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
They took my balls.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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