So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
