When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
