She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
