chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
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