Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
