he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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