she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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