hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
All the doctor said was why
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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