I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
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You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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