I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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