Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
