Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
