@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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