I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
