Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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