you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
