not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
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I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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