Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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