He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
