She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
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She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
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You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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