Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
