i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
