According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
