Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
