haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
