I smell stomach acid.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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