it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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