Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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