Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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