i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
