you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
