I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
