Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
