There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
