Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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