Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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