There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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