I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
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Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
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Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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