I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
